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Joke...
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Comments on joining up!
A couple of weeks ago I decided that if I could, I'd enlist today and help
my country track down those responsible for killing thousands of innocent
people in New York City and Washington, D.C.
But I'm older now and the Armed Forces says I'm too old to track down
terrorists. You can't be older than 35 to join the Army. They've got the
whole thing backwards. Instead of sending 18-year-olds off to the fight,
they ought to take us old guys. You shouldn't be able to join until you're
at least 35.
For starters:
* Researchers say 18-year-olds think about sex every 10 seconds. Old guys
only think about sex every 15 seconds, leaving us more than 28,000
additional seconds per day to concentrate on the enemy.
* Young guys haven't lived long enough to be cranky and a cranky soldier is
a dangerous soldier. If we can't kill the enemy, we'll complain them into
submission. "My back hurts!" "I'm hungry!" "Where's the remote control?"
* An 18-year-old hasn't had a legal beer yet and you shouldn't go to war
until you're at least old enough to legally drink. An average old guy, on
the other hand, has consumed 126,000 gallons of beer by the time he's 35
and a jaunt through the desert heat with a backpack and M-60 would do
wonders for the beer belly.
* An 18-year-old doesn't like to get up before 10 a.m. Old guys get up
early just to show we can (and to steal the neighbor's newspaper).
* If old guys were captured we couldn't spill the beans because we'd
probably forget where we put them. In fact, name, rank and serial number
would be a real brain teaser.
* Boot camp would actually be easier for old guys. We're used to getting
screamed and yelled at and we actually like soft food. We've also developed
a deep appreciation for guns and rifles. We like them almost better than
naps. The Army could lighten up on the obstacle course, however. I've been
to the desert and didn't see a single 20-foot wall with rope hanging over
the side. I can hear the Drill Sergeant now. "Get down and give
me...er...one!" And the
running part is kind of a waste of energy. I've never seen anyone outrun a
bullet.
Patience is something most 18-year-olds simply do not have. For good
reason, too. An 18-year-old has the whole world ahead of him. He's still
learning to shave. To actually carry on a conversation. To wear pants
without the top of the butt crack showing and the boxer shorts sticking
out. To learn that a pierced tongue catches food particles. And that a
200-watt speaker in the back seat of a Honda Accord can rupture an eardrum.
All great reasons to keep our sons at
home to learn a little more about life before sending them off to a
possible death.
Let us old guys track down those dirty, rotten cowards who attacked our
hearts weeks ago. The last thing they'd want to see right now is a couple
of million old guys with attitudes riding Harleys into Afghanistan.
The thought kind of brings a tear to the eye.
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| Category: | Bad
Rated-G
Government
bin Laden |
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| Description: | Joining Up |
| Date Added: | 12/09/2001 |
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